I find myself watching couples more when I go out. When we sit in a restaurant or standing in line at the store, I find my eyes seeking out couples & studying them. I wonder what secrets lie between them. I wonder if they hide things from each other, if they are happy. Sometimes I wonder if one of them is bleeding alone in silence, hiding their scars from the world.
& I wonder, when they look at us, what do they can? Can they see the truth in my eyes? Can they see the shattered trust in midst the us? The remains of a broken promise? Sometimes I wonder if it falls from my face, the truth, the pain I try to keep hidden.
I know there are so many others out there, hiding from the world what breaks them in silence. Many struggle with the aftermath of addictions, whether its drugs, alcohol, sex, porn etc. ..it all can tear apart a couple & leave behind shadows of what use to be.
I know there are other women out there, crying themselves to sleep tonight because their husbands chose some fake fantasy over them. Once again they curl up in bed alone as their husband sits in front of the glow of a computer screen, not caring or realizing he's tearing his wife to pieces with what he watches. So many women are lonely, walking like ghosts through their house, wondering what is wrong with them, wondering why it has to hurt so much.
I am that ghost. I am the one staring at myself in the mirror, watching other couples, staring at the ceiling wondering over all the if only's. . .
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