Am I not beautful enough

"it rips me apart the little things you do. . .am I not beautiful enough for you?" Radial Angel

I find myself staring in the mirror more lately. I'll get ready for the day & stand in my full length mirror noticing every little thing. I wonder what he sees when he sees me now. . .does he notice what I suddenly notice? My belly is getting bigger (comes with being 21 weeks pregnant) .  . . I'm breaking out more then usually, my hair is dry & my highlights have faded.  I lean closer & notice my skin is drier than it use to be.  all this I see. .& all this I see as flaws
Before, I saw my belly as a beautiful testament of the life growing inside of me & I still can see it that way most days. . but some days I look in the mirror & shake my head. . .I'm not Hollywood. . . I'm not a super model (never was). I don 't have a flat tummy, huge boobs & a tanned body. I never have, doubt I ever will. I am not longer as young as i use to be. . .
I've seen what he looks at. Young perfect (fake) women. . .tanned. ..flat tummy, huge boobs. .young. . . .19-20 most likely
Everything I'm not.
& it messes with my head. It messed with my self esteem. . .its like entering one of those mirror houses at a fair & seeing your image skewed.  .  & you wonder what is real. . . .I wonder that a lot now. .  I look in the mirror & wonder what is real. . .  what makes me real is what makes him look somewhere else? 
& part of me know its a mind game. . .it's Satan whispering lies to me. . .the same ones he whispers to my husband. . .Satan wants me to lose this battle. He wants me to hate myself . . .to tear myself apart. . .he lives & breathes off weakness.
Some days are easier than others. Some days I want to throw the mirror out & never see myself again. . .
sometimes I'm stronger than that. . .It's a war though. . .every day. . .to get up & fight. . .to chose what voice to listen to. . .to fight on my knees . .
My heart is hurt & wounded but it still beats.  . .
Today I might shy away from the mirror. . .but it doesn't mean I will lose
"I've been looking in the mirror for so long. .. . . Lie to me convince me I've been sick forever & all of this will make sense when I get better, but I know the difference between myself & my reflection, I just can help but wonder which one of us do you love" Evanescence