welcome

This blog is meant to be a safe place for anyone who has to deal with the aftermath of being with a porn addict. I know in today's society it is not a big deal to many, but to some of us, its cheating & we do NOT want it in our marriage. I am one of those women :) This is my safe place, my haven. This is where I will pour out my heart & soul, & be honest. This is a new ministry God has laid on my heart, to reach out to others in this struggle. If you happen to find this blog & are dealing with it too, feel free to comment. Know you are not alone.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

she walked away

Some days it would be so much easier to just. . walk away. To pack my bags. . .& get in the car & go. . .far far away. To get away from everything that falls apart around me. . .I am so tired of the breakage. . .tired of the aftermath & lies. Tired of finding out once again. . .I've been betrayed.  Sometimes. . .it would be easier to lie to myself, look away as the sky falls down. . .to pretend its ok. ..
I thought things were getting better. . .that he was getting serious but I realize again i believed the same dang lie. Once again . . I am the fool. . .sometimes I wonder how hard is he even trying. . .it seems like he only cares about himself. .his desires. . his..."wants" & im sick of it.
Im sick of being left behind as he pursues one fantasy after another. I'm tired of standing alone as the stars cascade down over my broken form. So tired of breathing in the same stale air each day & wondering why I'm choking on its stentch.
I'm so tired.
why am i the only one fighting?
" you keep coming back disassembled, & I keep losing the fight" Emery

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