beg my broken heart to beat

I think the thing that is bothering me the most lately is the in my face lies. I know what I saw. I know where he was looking, yet he treats me I'm stupid & making things up.  . . I wish I was making it up. ..but I can see the truth. . . . I can peel back all his lies & see the damaging truth before me. . .& I don't know what hurts more. ..the lies or the  . .  .betrayal. . .though in the end, I am pretty sure they are the same thing to me, cutting me bare for the world to see.
Does is make him feel superior? To trying playing these games? To do something behind my back & then lie to my face when I find out the truth?
It's like I'm in this room & I'm just running into the same ol' walls again & again. . .& I wonder why I even keep trying to escape. . .is it even worth it anymore?
Trust is shattered to a million pieces. . I am scarred so deep inside I wonder if it will ever heal. . the lies are binding me down with their weight.
I can't keep losing this fight.
Maybe all along. . .. I'm like the Confederacy. . I win a few battles. . .think I might win. . but in the end lose with such devastating loss it will take a life time to heal. 
Guess it wasn't real after all. . .remember all alone is where I belong" Evanescence