Lately loneliness is my best friend, It lingers in the shadows like a ghost, it breathes around me, pulling me under. I feel at a loss lately, trying to find some peace inside this chaos. My husband is busy right now, & I do understand that. He is in school & working. . .but I just feel so . . .alone. It seems like he choses a lot of things over me & our son. To think he had the time to look up 100s of pages of porn but had no time for us? That is what boggles the mind.
Loneliness can lead to paranoia & my mind plays games with me. . I want to hack into his email, check his phone & its pathetic, I know.
I need to get to place of learning how to trust again. . .but I feel powerless. I dont even want to talk to him about it due to the lies he told me last time I brought it up. I wonder how much of everything is a lie. . .
It just seems like an endless circle. It gets better for a while then I come crashing down. ..
"If I smile & don't believe, I know soon I will wake from this dream, Don't try to fix me Im not broken, hello, Im the lie living for you so you can hide, hello" Evanescence
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