so if you dont mind, i think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve

One of my biggest fears is the trust issue. . .that I will never have the feeling of trust in my life again. I fear that I'll always have whispers of doubt, & twinges of paranoia. I'm scared I'll always want to check up on him. . .& that is no way to live
The thing is. . .that is up to me too. Yes he has to prove himself trustworthy. . .which he hasn't. . .but even if he does. . .will I finally trust him again? Will I get to that place of security knowing we are ok. .. he is not betraying me again?
I know this isn't going to be an easy road. . or what that is. .magically better. . .it will take a lot of work from both of us. . .I just wonder what more I can do. . how do I get to the place of healing. . .to a place of peace. When will I feel my heart trust him again. . .or will it? Can I get past all of this?
There are so many questions that rattle around my head. . .fears & doubts. . .
I need. . .to dig deep. I need to fight. I need. . oh how I need
"so if you don't mind I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve cause I'm tired of not being able to breathe. . .its a shame how I pull myself apart!" Blindside