welcome

This blog is meant to be a safe place for anyone who has to deal with the aftermath of being with a porn addict. I know in today's society it is not a big deal to many, but to some of us, its cheating & we do NOT want it in our marriage. I am one of those women :) This is my safe place, my haven. This is where I will pour out my heart & soul, & be honest. This is a new ministry God has laid on my heart, to reach out to others in this struggle. If you happen to find this blog & are dealing with it too, feel free to comment. Know you are not alone.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

the ones that run me through

I know. It's been a long time since I've written. Life has gotten crazy with a newborn.
Lately the distance between us is like the universe. It stretches out , an abyss of dark, that frightens me. I hold my breath hoping things will get better, but wondering if it will always be the same. I don't know if he is still looking at the crap. . . but deep down I feel he is. He erased all the history on his computer. Again. Yeah. I'm not stupid. It's just another. . .thing coming between us. Everything, I realize, is more important than me. Than the kids.  I go to bed, so many nights, alone while he is so busy doing. . .junk. Plain. Junk.
I'm tired of this
I dream. . .all the time..  of leaving. Of walking away. Packing up the kids & going home.
Why the hell do I keep trying , fighthing, when he doesn't give a . .bloody. . .dang.  ALl he cares about is himself. Maybe thats all he'll ever care about
I'm knocked out of this fight. I'm done.
I'm so. done
& I fall in love with the ones that run me through, when all along all I need is You" Switchfoot
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