Lately I avoid all mirrors. I can see the way my body has changed since giving birth. . .& it makes me feel even worse about myself. I haven't lost all the weight I put on. ..& I'm having a hard time finding time to work out & try losing it. This is my next goal though, to lose all this weight & reach my goal weight. . .
I fear that this image now. That it isn't. .. good enough for my husband.
This is what he has done to me
I realize I should take some blame, for letting me become so defeated by it. ..but I find it hard to climb past all that has fallen around me.
I'm sure he is still looking. He went downstairs yesterday to get online instead of up in the room with me. Yeah. I know what he was doing. I'm not stupid. All the signs are still there.
Maybe some things never change.
& it kills me. I don't want to live like this all my life. . .unhappy. . .not trusting my husband. It isn't suppose to be like this. . .I know it's not all bliss but shouldn't there be more?
so much more
"i can feel her sadness from across the room" blindside
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