I don't believe the words anymore. They fall around me like missiles & I am left wondering what to believe. How can I believe the words when actions break them to pieces? Every time he calls me beautiful. . . i freeze. It feels like a lie after what I've seen. . .if what I am is beauty. ..then why isn't it that he looks at? If I am what he calls beautiful, then why does he look at everything I'm not?
This is the war in my head . . .at night the words chase around my head & leaves me breathless. I don't know which voice to believe. . .it's hard to know. . .what is real.
Why is it I can feel. . .ok sometimes & then crash so hard just a few moments later? What is this weakness that makes me stumble? & I can't lay all the blame on him. . .I am the weakness. I am. ..the fallen.
I tear myself apart and then wonder why I feel so empty. . .I believed the lies for way too long. I could rip it all apart but until I fix what is broken in me. . .I will always shatter. I will believe the voices that tell me I am not good enough. I need . . .to heal. To fix this. To fight down the fears & conquer the lies. I need to slay the beast that wants me to lay down defeated.
I can only fix me.
Everyone just stares right through you like you're not even there at all
Those times you look inside to see if something's beating so you could feel alive-Runaway City
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