It's been a while since I've updated.
I've been here a few times & just stared at the whiteness, not sure what to write anymore. It all sounds the same. The same words, letters, & emotions pouring out of my veins , my fingers, my soul. It's the same song played over & over until one has gone numb & it no longer has any meaning.
Nothing has changed. Everything has changed.
It's funny, how you can assume you know the worst about something, someone & find out latter how wrong you were. When words can cut like a knife & lies can drown you. Things can only stay hidden for so long before they find the light of day & I don't know what is worse, not knowing or knowing. It's a double edge sword either way, I suppose.
I fight all the time with the thoughts inside my head. Telling me it's my fault. It's because I am not enough, I never will be. I just don't understand. I can't grasp, how I can be enough, if it always happens. the same bullcrap always happens. How can he tell me I am enough & be lying to me. Be talking to someone else. Be looking at someone else. How can I believe a word that falls from his tongue when I know it's all a bunch of lies
& of course, in reality, I'm at the point, that in some ways, it is my fault, because I stay. I endure. I put up with it. I just don't feel strong enough to leave yet I am not strong enough to stay.
So where does one go, when there is nowhere to go?
my world is a lie that's come true, & I fall in love with the ones that run me through. . .sing it out, take what's left of me & make it a melody, i can't find the words to sing" Switchfoot
